


what the north wind brings

by hyperfix8ed



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Number Five | The Boy, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, No Incest, Non-Binary Klaus Hargreeves, Post-Season/Series 02, Sibling Banter, Sibling Bonding, Trans Male Character, Trans Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, but he doesnt rly know it, i care about the siblings...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28081830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperfix8ed/pseuds/hyperfix8ed
Summary: "The flyer advertised an upcoming panel part of an LGBTQ social justice convention.Exclusive Interview with Groundbreaking Queer Composer: Ivan Moore,it read in big, bold letters.Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s First Openly Transgender Pianist.Below it: a picture of Vanya.The person in the picture didn’t look exactly like their Vanya, of course. None of their counterparts had. Ivan Moore had shorter hair and broader shoulders then Vanya, and even a sparse beard. But it was unmistakable.In a world where Reginald Hargreeves never bought her, the woman they knew was not a woman at all, and hadn’t identified as such since he was at least fifteen."Upon travelling back to a changed 2019, everyone gets a glimpse into what their lives could have looked like. It's about what you'd expect, with the exception of Vanya, who's counterpart they couldn't find any trace of after 2004.A chance find leads to revelations and discoveries all around. Vanya learns what it means to live authentically.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone
Comments: 13
Kudos: 102





	what the north wind brings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome! this was inspired by elliot page coming out as trans, obviously, but doesn't have anything to do with him as a person. just wanted to write about vanya's story as a trans narrative! mostly because im transmasc and i luv her.
> 
> so in terms of pronouns being used for characters, before you ask, all characters, even if they have been identified as trans, will be using canon pronouns in this story. im thinking about turning this into a series where i would explore this more, and possibly use different pronouns, but that's not what this installment is about. for now, it's all about working out gender identity and trauma and the big mess all that is. 
> 
> i also want to say, if you're reading this, and you learn we have differing views on gender,, please don't comment about it and start a debate. im writing about my experience as a trans person in this self indulgent au. i dont want to start a fight over gender in my comment section on this please. just click off. that's allowed.
> 
> anyway, i really hope you enjoy!
> 
> cw at the end

Klaus was staring at him. 

It was annoying, but Five was self aware enough to know that it was probably justified. Another long moment passed without comment.

Resisting the urge to fidget, Five decided that his brother’s coffee had been cooling unnoticed in his shaking hands for long enough, and he confiscated it to drink himself. There was absolutely no reaction. 

The “coffee” is truly an abomination of a drink. He could deal with milk and sugar, but for some god-awful reason, (possibly part of a long con to bait Five into regretting his eventual theft), Klaus had requested a single shot of blueberry syrup. It tasted like someone had boiled cough medicine and then poured it into an undeserving cup of coffee. 

Still, the beans were decent quality. Also, Five has consumed more cockroaches than water throughout his lifetime, so. Not exactly Klaus’ most thought out plan. 

Klaus blinked. It was the first sign of life he’d exhibited in awhile. Five wondered vaguely if he should write that down somewhere. _’12:43 PM: normal bodily functions have resumed.’_

“Okay,” he said sharply, trying very hard not to yell. Klaus blinked at him again. “I think this is officially an overreaction.”

“Huh,” Klaus mused in an _astonishingly_ articulate response. He tried to take a sip of his coffee and was incredibly confused when that didn’t work. 

“Oh, for the love of-” he cut himself off by pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. “Are you capable of being normal about this, or do I need to handle it myself?”

 _That_ gets a reaction. “Five,” Klaus started, leaning forward in alarm. “No offense, but that would be, like, an apocalyptically terrible idea.” 

Five leaned forward to match him and bared his teeth slightly. “ _Obviously_.” Klaus did not relent, waving his finger threateningly. 

“No, no, that’s not even a hyperbole. You _handling_ it with all the grace of a bull in a china shop like usual could actually end the world,” he pointed out. Five made a very conscious effort to not throw the terrible coffee at his brother’s terrible face for being this _fucking_ stupid. 

“Why the fuck do you think I came to you in the first place?” he hissed under his breath, taking the last sip of the abomination to calm himself. Klaus spread his hands in a desperate gesture of what appeared to be general confusion. 

“What’s going on?” called a voice from the doorway. 

The two of them froze for a moment before slipping into their default methods of Hargreeves deflection. Klaus’ entire body lost any hint of tension, as if it had never been there in the first place, and a wide, uncaring grin spread across his face. He’d look completely fine if you didn’t know any better. 

Five, on the other hand, whipped his head around to stare daggers at the visitor. 

Allison did not look impressed at their efforts. 

“Oh, hello! My darling sister!” Klaus crooned, draping himself over the side of his armchair. Five continued to glare silently. “How lovely of you to join us, would you like-”

“If the world is about to end, _again_ , I’m going to lose it,” she warned, crossing her arms. “I promise to lose it less if you tell me right now.”

“The world is not about to end,” Five seethed. _Most likely, anyway_. “Goodbye.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, not buying it,” she said, which is probably fair. “ _Tell_ me.” 

“There’s nothing to tell,” he responded, biting back the urge to play the _’wanna try a rumor?’_ card. She might leave him alone if he pisses her off enough, but they’ve all been sharing a very cramped space and he _is_ trying not to incite his siblings to murder. Also, the chances were slim, but she could always decide to take him up on that, and. Well. That’s pretty much the opposite of what he was going for. 

“I think we should tell her,” Klaus chimed in. Five’s arm actually twitched involuntarily in anger to try and throw the contents of his cup at his goddamned idiot of a brother. Unfortunately, he had already drained it, and Klaus took no notice. “Mostly because I don’t want to be the only person handling this.”

“ _I_ will help handle-”

“ _We have been over this-_ ”

“Oh my god,” Allison interrupted. “You guys are nightmares. Jesus Christ. What is it?”

Five huffed a little, still staring at Klaus. It burned at him to not have the answers, to have to rely on others in the middle of such an unfamiliar situation. One wrong step could hurt someone he loved (if not the entire world), and frankly, he was mad about it. He didn’t know if they could tell Allison, if that would betray an important trust (that he already shouldn’t have) or if it was the right move. He didn’t know anything about this. 

Some of that must have shown on his face, because Klaus suddenly looked a lot more understanding. 

“I really do think we should tell her,” he said. “An outside perspective wouldn’t hurt. And they’ve been really close recently.”

Five’s mouth tightened, but he concedes with a nod anyway. When it comes to this… _topic_ , he is nowhere near an expert. That would be Klaus.

“Who, me and Vanya?” Allison asked, her voice rising in concern. They both exchanged looks at the name, and she takes that for the answer it is. “Did something happen? Is she-”

“Everyone is fine,” Five interrupted shortly. “I found this timeline’s version of Vanya today. That’s what we’re talking about.” 

Allison’s brow creased. “I thought we decided she probably died as a kid.”

They _had_ decided that. Everyone else had been relatively simple to find. Maybe not simple by normal means, but between their powers and their certainty that Reginald and his new band of fucked up child soldiers would be planning something, they made quick work of covering all their bases. They had spent over a month tracking down birth certificates and adoption records from all over the world, hoping a friendly face might be of some help to them.

Instead, they discovered most of their counterparts didn’t even realize they _had_ powers. Reginald never told the world about the circumstances of the Sparrow Academy’s births in this timeline, so they had no reason to think something was special about them and no warden training them from the very second they exhibited signs.

This world’s Allison had never developed a trigger phrase to channel her power, which meant she mostly influenced people’s minds instead of controlling them. She just considered herself a wildly successful, weirdly persuasive real estate agent. Klaus’ alternate self had turned out to be a model and a mental health advocate for ending the stigma against psychoses and addictions, which spoke for itself. It was unclear whether these versions of Luther and Diego had figured it out. They became a champion bodybuilder and an Olympic swimmer respectively, which likely meant they knew something. But still, without rigorous training regiments that kept their powers in mind, it’s possible they simply appear extremely naturally talented. There’s no telling how their abilities would develop without any outside influence, and most people’s minds don’t jump to superpowers even if they are _really_ good at darts. 

The only one they knew for sure had discovered their power was Five. According to a missing persons report, a teenager - described as ‘flighty and impossible to keep track of’ and ‘suffering from delusions of grandeur’ by a caretaker, to which his siblings were all too pleased to _emphatically_ concur - had disappeared from his foster home in 2003. He left behind a mess of equations and a note that read: _’I figured it out. I won’t be back.’_ Slightly later then when Five had left in his timeline, but still incredibly conclusive results. Ben had figured out his powers, ostensibly, but. Well. They don’t talk about Ben. 

In what might very well have been the first completely unanimous decision his siblings had ever made as a family, they did not ask any of their alternate selves for help. 

It goes without saying that they had been uncomfortable when faced with those lives. Five himself was busy with the discovery that any version of him could theoretically time travel, but since no one else had been forced to reexamine the entire field of quantum mechanics as they knew it, they mostly just stood around feeling quietly weird. Diego had refused to shut up about “his” medals for an entire week, but no one else had even pretended to be happy about what they found. As far as he could tell, anyway. He wasn’t paying attention during that particular family meeting, because seriously, the fact that there was another version of himself loose somewhere in a _timeline that shouldn’t exist_ was possibly concerning and definitely fascinating. 

Still, Five’s been trying very hard to get used to extending empathy to his siblings in a normal way. One such effort was attempting to understand what they were feeling now, in this new 2019, and he was relatively certain that he’d succeeded. It seemed to be part longing, part unreasonable jealousy and part guilt for not living up to those other lives. It’s not like those lost lives were perfect, none of them had any illusions of that. Without a buyer coming along to bring them together, the children formerly known as the Umbrella Academy had grown up orphans. None of them appeared to have much in the way of family or friends to show for it. But still. They weren’t literal child soldiers. Even Five knew that would be difficult to process. Their whole lives they’ve asked themselves what might have happened if they weren’t bought by Hargreeves, and now they knew. 

All of them except for Vanya, that is. 

The search for Vanya’s counterpart had been significantly more motivated then the others. With such explosive powers and the ever-present threat that losing control of them could cause the end of the world, they agreed it was imperative to check in on her. 

The problem was, the paper trail they were following completely dried up after 2004. They had a clear timeline up to that point. On October 1st, 1989, in the outskirts of a Russian town, a baby was spontaneously born to a young woman named Tatyana Ivanov. According to a newspaper article interviewing Tatyana’s mother about the event years later, a strange man came through and nearly adopted this baby, but changed his mind for reasons unknown. Without anyone else to take the child, she recalled, her family decided the baby would stay with them for the time being. Tatyana named her child Aleksandra Ivanov, Aleks for short.

Six months later, Aleks was adopted by a cousin living in America. Her mother said it was because they couldn’t afford a baby, and that Tatyana had always dreamed of being a student. That might even have been true, depending on how early powers of sound manipulation developed in an infant. Either way, one Sofia Ivanov Moore took in Aleks to be raised by her and her husband amongst their other children on a farm in Montana. The family stayed there for approximately fifteen years before moving to a suburb near Portland for reasons unknown.

By then, Aleksandra Ivanov seemed to have disappeared off the face of the planet. 

They scoured every inch of Portland’s public records for any sign of existence, and still came up short. Later, it had occurred to someone that adoption often comes with name changes, so they went back to investigate all the combinations of Aleksandra, Alexandra, Aleks, Alex, Ivanov and Moore anyone could think of, but nothing panned out. Sofia and her husband had passed away years back, and any acquaintances they could find told them the Moore’s had only ever had sons, who were also difficult to identify without names to go off of. They couldn’t find any answers. 

Eventually, Vanya had called off the search. 

“I either died, or I’m not going to be found,” she’d pointed out, resolutely looking Five in the eye. “There’s a very real possibility I lost control of my powers and it ended badly for me. You know that’s true.”

He’d opened his mouth to protest, to insist that they needed to be sure, but closed it when he realized she was right. They had less then nothing to go off of, just a big blank space where a person should be, and all they were doing was upsetting Vanya. So instead, he nodded. 

“We’ll keep an eye open, anyway,” he’d told her. And he had. Nothing had shown up, obviously. 

Until today. 

Five sighed, and Allison waved her hand at him impatiently. “Hello?” she called. “What did you find?” 

“Here,” he said through gritted teeth, passing her the flyer that had started all this in the first place. She rolled her eyes at his hostility, but accepted it anyway. Her eyebrows furrowed as she read. 

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“Helpful,” Five remarked, ignoring her answering glare. 

“Shut up,” she replied offhandedly, more focused on the flyer than coming up with a response. Her finger traced over the lines of text as she examined it. The flyer advertised an upcoming panel part of an LGBTQ social justice convention. 

_Exclusive Interview with Groundbreaking Queer Composer: Ivan Moore,_ it read in big, bold letters. _Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s First Openly Transgender Pianist._

Below it: a picture of Vanya.

The person in the picture didn’t look exactly like their Vanya, of course. None of their counterparts had. Ivan Moore had shorter hair and broader shoulders then Vanya, and even a sparse beard. But it was unmistakable. 

In a world where Reginald Hargreeves never bought her, the woman they knew was not a woman at all, and hadn’t identified as such since he was at least fifteen. 

“Right,” Allison said quietly. “So. Klaus. Any thoughts?”

“I try to avoid it,” Klaus shot back. “But um. Yes. I think.”

Five waited for him to elaborate, and when he didn’t, resisted the urge to kick him. “Go on,” he said, and it wasn’t a suggestion.

“I don’t know what this means for our Vanya,” he said, grabbing the flyer back from Allison to look closer at it. “But I do know we have to tell… her.”

Five and Allison both burst into twin protests at that, and he raised his voice over their clatter. “The alternative,” he pointed out loftily, “is letting her continue to think her counterpart died a painful death at a young age. And then lying to her about it. Would anyone in this room like to be the one to explain to Vanya we lied to her? No?” 

Looking slightly smug with himself, he leaned back in his chair. Five seethed, but once again, Klaus was right. 

“Fine,” Allison agreed somewhat weakly, “but… can I ask? Does this mean _our_ Vanya is… trans, too?” 

“It could,” Klaus said simply, “but honestly, gender is really weird. And labels are helpful, sometimes, but they’re also really restrictive. I’m nonbinary, but if my double didn’t identify the same way, I wouldn’t be surprised. We’re different people, and we’re going to describe our experiences differently.”

While Five and Allison tried to take that in, he gestured loosely with the flyer. “This says Ivan is transgender, but nothing else. That can mean a lot. Our Vanya’s a lesbian, maybe Ivan is a butch, transmasc lesbian, or maybe he’s nonbinary. Or maybe not. But the point is, whatever this guy’s relationship with gender is, I guarantee it’s something that Vanya has thought about before. We won’t be blindsiding her with anything.” At their blank looks, he sighed at them. “As a kid, she used to wear pants and shorts everytime she got the opportunity, and you’ve seen how she dresses now. Not that dressing masc means you’re a man, but if she’s been identifying as a gay lady who dresses like that, she’s definitely had to consider her gender identity at some point in her life. Not to mention-”

“The rumor,” Allison interrupted, looking a little pale. “Oh my god, the rumor and the pills. _Jesus,_ how many times are we going to come across ways that I’ve ruined her life?” She sank down heavily into the couch beside Klaus with her hands over her face, and he patted her arm sympathetically. 

“Dad ruined her life,” he said quietly. “Yours, too. Don’t forget that.” He looked over to Five, and frowned. “Hey, grandpa, everything good? You look a little overwhelmed.”

To tell the truth, Five felt a little overwhelmed. “Yes,” he said stiffly anyway. “Should we be saying she and her when we talk about Vanya?”

Klaus hummed happily. “You know, I love that instinct,” he said, sounding genuinely proud Five had asked, “but for right now, we can’t assume anything about Vanya. She’s lived her life like this for 29 years and has never told us to use anything other than she/her pronouns, which means that’s what we do.”

Five nodded. That made sense. “What if when we show her, she’s overwhelmed too?” he asked, his concern for Vanya shining through an embarrassing amount. “Even if she has considered this, it feels like an identity crisis waiting to happen.”

“Probably,” Klaus said candidly. “But questioning your identity isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and if this is something that Vanya needs to hear, she’ll come out on the other end better for it.”

“I knew a few trans people, at home,” Allison said suddenly. “I remember talking to one of them, my friend Jo, about gender a few times. We did an interview together in a feminist magazine about femininity. And she helped me realize femininity was pushed on me as a kid by the world, but at home, it didn’t feel like our gender mattered that much, because Dad pretty much treated us as nonhuman no matter what.” She chewed at her lip. “Besides the skirts and things… we really weren’t affected by gender unless we went out, and we never went out.”

“So if our Vanya is trans,” Klaus caught on, “maybe it never occurred to her until later in life that she wasn’t that connected to womanhood, because none of us were very connected to gender at all.”

“Exactly,” she agreed. “It got different as we got older, when you and I started getting into those magazines and met women other than Mom, but Vanya was never all that interested.”

“Yeah,” Klaus remembered fondly. “She used to get Mom to buy her makeup, but in my color, in exchange for my pants.”

“She used to borrow mine too,” Five added. “When I was still there, we were the closest in size. If Dad wasn’t around, I’d let her borrow them just to hang out in. She really didn’t like the skirts.” He considered it for a moment. “I thought it was just about wanting to fit in. Like you said, we didn’t think about gender very often.”

If he was being honest, Five still didn’t think about gender very often. He hadn’t when he was a kid, and he certainly hadn’t cared about gender roles in the apocalypse. A usable item was a usable item, whether it was intended for men or not. Trying to comprehend a world where gender mattered so strongly anyone would transition was almost foreign to him, though he had lived and learned enough to know what it meant to people. 

“Okay, do we call a family meeting, or tell Vanya privately?” asked Klaus. Five snorted.

“Does Luther know what a trans person is?” he asked dryly, and Klaus laughed. Allison, predictably, sent him a look.

“That’s not fair,” she said. “Where would he have learned? At the academy? In the sixties? And he was still really kind when Klaus talked to us all.” Five scoffed at her out of principle, but let it drop anyway.

“I’ll go out and find a resource center sometime today,” Klaus offered, “and I’ll grab a couple of pamphlets for us, or more specifically, for Luther and Diego. And a few for Vanya, if she has any questions.” A thought seemed to occur to him, and he turned his gaze to Five, who felt vaguely uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“What,” he deadpanned.

“Nothing! Just... come to think of it…” his brother mused, “you’re being awfully understanding for a fifty eight year old with zero social skills.”

Five glared at him suspiciously, not sure what was being implied. “It’s not like there’s any gender in the apocalypse.”

Klaus’ eyes narrowed. “Do _you_ need some pamphlets?”

“I think I can respect the pronouns Vanya decides on without help from any stupid pamphlets,” he hissed, but Klaus was undeterred.

“Sure, but that’s not what I’m asking.”

Five squinted at him, then shook his head. “This isn’t about me,” he decided, turning to Allison. “Is it better to send one person with the flyer, or should all three of us talk to her?”

Allison looked lost in thought, but focused on his question anyway. “I think Klaus needs to be there,” she said, nodding her head slowly. “He knows the language the best and can answer questions easier. All three of us are a bad idea… hm. Normally I would say you might not be the best to deal with emotional situations.” Five snorted at that, and she ignored him. “But you were the one who found it, and you’re better at talking to Vanya then you are with most people, so it should be okay. As long as Klaus is there.”

“I resent being given a social situations babysitter,” he informed her.

“You will be exempt from social situations babysitting when your response to feeling uncomfortable stops being threatening people with bodily harm every time you open your mouth.”

Five opened his mouth to threaten her with bodily harm, snapped it shut, and settled for scowling. She smirked at him, and he restrained himself from making the leap from threatening to inflicting. “When is Vanya getting home?” he asked through gritted teeth instead. She checked her watch.

“Soon,” she said. “About two hours from now. Klaus, you should get those pamphlets, and Five maybe you can find Ivan. See if you can find out his deal or not, and how to contact him if Vanya decides she wants to.” With that, she stood up, and grabbed her bag from the kitchen counter.

“You’re leaving?” Klaus asked her.

“Mmhm,” she said distractedly, searching for her keys. “I wasn’t planning on it, but Vanya does have a tendency to destroy buildings when she’s upset, so… gonna go job hunt for a bit! Bye!”

“Coward!” Klaus whined at her retreating back. He turned to Five and grinned. “Okay, hands in the middle.” Five did not put his hands in the middle. “Three, two, one, break!” he cheered anyway, throwing his hands up and smiling innocently at Five’s incensed expression. 

“I’m leaving now,” he informed his brother, jumping out the door before he could respond.

Standing on the front porch of the house they were renting, Five watched Allison drive away. “Okay,” he said aloud to himself. “Time to find Ivan Moore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: canon typical child abuse, vague descriptions of gender dysphoria, worrying about misgendering, discussions repressed gender identity issues. lmk if i missed anything
> 
> leave a comment, subscribe to this story for the next chapter, and follow me on tumblr @fivenb for hcs, theories, and funnie posts. hope you enjoyed!


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